5th,

My 5th rejection letter in two years.

UWash rejected me.





I don't know if I should laugh or cry.
I think I'm gonna have another emotional breakdown

Fields of Hope

Beneath a veil so cold and deep,
I watched you as you deeply sleep
The melody of prayer; on the lonely fields,
a little light shined

I watched as you dreamed
You laughed like a child
So dear, and yet so far -
That is the promise of our future

That one day, on a green morning,
One day, we will make it there
Because in this wintered sky
We still believe
Fields of Hope

On the day we were born, we were embraced
And now we search for those gentle hands again
The melody of prayer; one vanishes,
And all begins again; a powerful, painful continuation

One day, to that green morning,
We'll cross through all these nights
Because that is the place each one of us searches for

Now, within my own heart,
I want to keep you warm
So dear, and yet so far -
In the name of peace
Fields of Hope

So dear, and yet so far -
The fields of promise
Fields of Hope
Fields of Hope

Watching Gundam Seed Destiny now.. love this song... was so touched watching the scene where this song was featured sighs....

MJ

i was never a big fan of Michael Jackson.

i didn't feel much about his death.

i'm heartless. seriously.


but when i watched the memorial yesterday, i felt disappointed.

i mean, i didn't watch the whole thing. just like, the last 20minutes.

but i was disappointed with the way the rendition of the two songs i love was done.

heal the world and we are the world. i know these two songs caught my attention, and i loved them the moment i heard them, even if i have no love for the man who created them. still, i thought he was brilliant for coming out with these two songs.

and then, because he died, they started playing a lot of his songs.

and i heard yet another song i like at first listen.

they don't care about us.

ironic that all the songs i like that he sang were all either about making the world a better place or highlighting racial inequality. yeah i like songs like black or white, thriller, smooth criminal etc but these three snagged my heartstrings.


dear MJ, rest in peace.

you shall live on in the music. and i'll let my children *if i ever have any* listen to the three that i seriously like.

rest in peace.


and for the rest of us still very much alive?

let's try to do what he asks us to..

"heal the world, make it a better place... for you and for me and the entire human race. there are people dying, if you care enough for the living... make a better place for you and for me..."

*let's forget he left a massive debt for his family to settle. i think he didn't intend it so, else he wouldn't have staged a comeback*

They Don't Care About Us




Skin head, dead head
Everybody gone bad
Situation, aggravation
Everybody allegation
In the suite, on the news
Everybody dog food
Bang bang, shot dead
Everybody's gone mad

All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us

Beat me, hate me
You can never break me
Will me, thrill me
You can never kill me
Jew me, sue me
Everybody do me
Kick me, kick me
Don't you black or white me

All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us

Tell me what has become of my life
I have a wife and two children who love me
I am the victim of police brutality, now
I'm tired of bein' the victim of hate
You're rapin' me of my pride
Oh, for God's sake
I look to heaven to fulfill it's prophecy...
Set me free

Skin head, dead head
Everybody gone bad
Trepidation, speculation
Everybody allegation
In the suite, on the news
Everybody dog food
Black man, black mail
Throw your brother in jail

All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us

Tell me what has become of my rights
Am I invisible because you ignore me?
Your proclamation promised me free liberty, now
I'm tired of bein' the victim of shame
They're throwing me in a class with a bad name
I can't believe this is the land from which I came
You know I do really hate to say it
The government don't wanna see
But if Roosevelt was livin'
He wouldn't let this be, no, no

Skin head, dead head
Everybody gone bad
Situation, speculation
Everybody litigation
Beat me, bash me
You can never trash me
Hit me, kick me
You can never get me

All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us

Some things in life they just don't wanna see
But if Martin Luther was livin'
He wouldn't let this be

Skin head, dead head
Everybody gone bad
Situation, segregation
Everybody allegation
In the suite, on the news
Everybody dog food
Kick me, strike me
Don't you wrong or right me

All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us

All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us

All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us


Heal The World


spoken:
Think about the generations and to say we want to make it a better
world for our children and our children's children. So that they know
it's a better world for them; and think if they can make it a better
place.

There's a place in your heart
And I know that it is love
And this place could be much
Brighter than tomorrow.
And if you really try
You'll find there's no need to cry
In this place you'll feel
There's no hurt or sorrow.
There are ways to get there
If you care enough for the living
Make a little space, make a better place.

Heal the world
Make it a better place
For you and for me and the entire human race
There are people dying
If you care enough for the living
Make a better place for
You and for me.

If you want to know why
There's a love that cannot lie
Love is strong
It only cares for joyful giving.
If we try we shall see
In this bliss we cannot feel
Fear or dread
We stop existing and start living
Then it feels that always
Love's enough for us growing
Make a better world, make a better world.

Heal the world
Make it a better place
For you and for me and the entire human race
There are people dying
If you care enough for the living
Make a better place for
You and for me.

Bridge:
And the dream we would conceived in
Will reveal a joyful face
And the world we once believed in
Will shine again in grace
Then why do we keep strangling life
Wound this earth, crucify it's soul
Though it's plain to see, this world is heavenly
Be God's glow.

We could fly so high
Let our spirits never die
In my heart I feel
You are all my brothers
Create a world with no fear
Together we'll cry happy tears
See the nations turn
Their swords into plowshares
We could really get there
If you cared enough for the living
Make a little space to make a better place.

Heal the world
Make it a better place
For you and for me and the entire human race
There are people dying
If you care enough for the living
Make a better place for
You and for me.

We Are The World




There comes a time when we heed a certain call (Lionel Richie)
When the world must come together as one (Lionel Richie & Stevie Wonder)
There are people dying (Stevie Wonder)
Oh, and it's time to lend a hand to life (Paul Simon)
The greatest gift of all (Paul Simon/Kenny Rogers)

We can't go on pretending day by day (Kenny Rogers)
That someone, somehow will soon make a change (James Ingram)
We're all a part of God's great big family (Tina Turner)
And the truth (Billy Joel)
You know love is all we need (Tina Turner/Billy Joel)

( CHORUS )
We are the world, we are the children
We are the ones who make a brighter day so let's start giving (Michael Jackson)
There's a choice we're making we're saving our own lives (Diana Ross)
It's true we'll make a better day just you and me (Michael Jackson/Diana Ross)

Well, send'em your heart so they know that someone cares (Dionne Warwick)
And their lives will be stronger and free (Dionne Warwick/Willie Nelson)
As God has shown us by turning stone to bread (Willie Nelson)
And so we all must lend a helping hand (Al Jurreau)

( REPEAT CHORUS )
We are the world, we are the children (Bruce Springsteen)
We are the ones who make a brighter day so let's start giving (Kenny Logins)
There's a choice we're making we're saving our own lives (Steve Perry)
It's true we'll make a better day just you and me (Daryl Hall)

When you're down and out there seems no hope at all (Michael Jackson)
But if you just believe there's no way we can fall (Huey Lewis)
Well, well, well, let's realize that a change can only come (Cyndi Lauper)
When we (Kim Carnes)
stand together as one (Kim Carnes/Cyndi Lauper/Huey Lewis)

(REPEAT CHORUS AND FADE )




I fell touched every time I hear the songs. especially heal the world and we are the world =)

sorry i couldn't find the official MVs, they are copyright protected. but the main focus is the song and lyrics, not the video =)

mistake

today i did another mistake.

today i did another giant mistake.

will i ever be able to forgive myself?

will i ever be able to wash off this stain?

will i ever find redemption?


i'm sorry.


i'm extremely sorry.
but i hated to get the news that you are going to travel so far to meet her when i'm missing you so much my heart aches T.T but the news that you're coming now doesn't make it any better, because now my soul is consumed with guilt.. i'm so sorry....

no stereotypes. i am not one to be prejudiced.

to all bald guys and hospital staff out there, i apologize. i actually think some of you are really nice. and i know i find some bald guys hot. like simon webbe. and some aspiring hospital staffs like karvey and tze tze (nurse and doctor! XD) are really among the nicest people i know.

still.

I HATE STUPID BALD GUYS AT HOSPITAL REGISTRATION COUNTER WHO MAKES HIS LIFE AMBITION MAKING PEOPLE WAIT TEN TIMES THE AMOUNT OF TIME THEY NEED TO BECAUSE THERE IS NOTHING MORE WORTHWHILE IN THEIR SAD PATHETIC LIFE!

especially the !@#$%^&*()_ guy in Teluk Intan medical checkup counter.



I hate you.

Dai Kirai

Zettai Dai Kirai!

dude, you are a hospital desk clerk. you did not spend 5 years slogging for a MBBS. nor years training to be a great nurse. you are A DESK CLERK.

now don't get me wrong, i respect desk clerks. i mean, i know circumstances and everything- and not everyone can be doctors and stuff. really. i think it's great we have cleaners and sweepers and clerks and everything because this is how the world functions. specialization and everything. i may not be into that kind of life, but i respect you because you are willing to work and help contribute to the world and society. yayz to you =)

but to the @$#()!& desk clerk in Hosp TI...

get a life.

you are a desk clerk, stop sticking your nose up in the air like as if you are the president of the world. i try to be polite even though i remember every bit of how terrible you were last year.

i greeted you when i reach, asking what i should do to do my medic checkup.

all you replied me was "nombor 4!"

me: "selamat pagi encik, sini register medic check up ke?"
him: "nombor 4!"
me: "encik, apa yang patut saya buat..
him: "NOMBOR 4!"
me: *wtf can't you see me asking you something here?!?*
him: "ambik nombor duduk tunggu"

will it KILL YOU to be polite?

but nvm.

i take a number and sit down. ah... number 10. shouldn't be long =)

5minutes...
me: =)
10minutes...
me: ah drat i didn't bring earphones. nvm i do sudoku first =)
20minutes...
me: 0.o it's only number 6?
30minutes...
me: geez... let's see if i can finish another sudoku in this time
1 hour...
me: WTH. nvm, patience, patience
1.5hours...
me: damn you @#$%^&*()


when my turn was up, i was like "finally!" and went to the counter.

he took my forms.

chucked my IC and GL back at me immediately, and started calculating my costs.

okayyyyy~~~ GL don't work?

well. if he didn't make me wait more than 30minutes, i would've shut up and paid.

if he didn't chat crap and office politics and double my waiting time while he calculated, i would've enquired a bit more then pay up.

if he didn't snap at me because i was drumming my fingers out of boredom while he talk some crap, and rudely retorted "tunggulah, kita sembang perkara hospital" when i know that what he's talking is pure crap... it might be perkara hospital but you need not talk it now *i rmb enough BM to know that you're not talking anything urgent.. sounds like pure gossip to me T.T* , not when im looking and waiting for my slip...

if he did not scold me for no reason two years ago, and the then naive me just quietly accepted the fault that is not mine...

if i'm more patient...

if i'm not glucose deprived...

if you didn't look at me with that condescending look and utter impoliteness...

if you did not drive me to the brink of tears, and if i were to take the bp test then, if you had not made me so angry i think i will record very high bp...

ifs.



but for now, i hate you.


and i thank wei lun for offering me an alternative.

for the same price, faster procedures, faster peace of mind, more polite nurses and no idiotic bald guy...

thank you so much.


baldie, stop looking at us with that look as if you are high and mighty and make us wait ten times we are supposed to. if i were in your shoes, i would've taken much less than the time you take to do everything and be polite in the meantime.

and i won't leave people waiting while i go minum pagi. wtf be more efficient, get it done sooner then go get your tea.

for your rate and efficiency, if it were up to me...

i will not even give you lunch break.



i hate you for destroying my patience.
















today i just feel like crying. and dying.